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Dec. 2nd, 2005

Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today,
as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing
the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of
damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is
some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are
being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite
near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes
before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for
emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them
through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire
reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.

Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have
been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive,
although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast
implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority
reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25
below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment Co-op.
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I
didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be
treated like someone from Toronto."

EDIT: This was sent to me this afternoon as an email forward...i have NO idea where it is from originally

Comments

( 27 comments — Leave a comment )
elsabet
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:10 pm (UTC)
Hahahaha this made me LOL for a long time. Thanks for posting it.
inri33
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:24 pm (UTC)
ha! you rule
metalxmonkey
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
I wish I did...I should have mentioned "From a forward sent to my by my sister"...I really don't know where it originated.
porphyre
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
awesome.
binom
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:27 pm (UTC)
:)))))
1drowned
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:31 pm (UTC)
HAHAHA! that rocks!
arwenoid
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:40 pm (UTC)
my latte is COLD! I'm so pissed off.
erotimania
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:47 pm (UTC)
that's hillarious, do you have a direct link for it?
metalxmonkey
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
It was a forward I got this afternoon :( Sorry - i'm going to edit the post to reflect that.
purple_monkey
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:47 pm (UTC)
that is so funny;-)))))
beware of killer snow!
tamtar
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
hahaha

oh god, it's so true. the worst part is i'm orignally from alberta and i've already converted to the vancouver winter weh. you would think i could handle a little snow still.
sushidragon
Dec. 2nd, 2005 08:55 pm (UTC)
Hee hee, that's awesome.

I think I would die if I ever had to face winter somewhere else in Canada. Just freeze right to death, I would.
trufflepig
Dec. 2nd, 2005 09:03 pm (UTC)
ahahaha
metalxmonkey
Dec. 3rd, 2005 02:26 am (UTC)
I meant where it was originally posted silly :p
metalxmonkey
Dec. 3rd, 2005 02:31 am (UTC)
Erm...disregard my previous reply-to post...i replied through gmail where it said you had quoted my edit line :p
jdquintette
Dec. 2nd, 2005 09:09 pm (UTC)
The heater on my car just broke.

I'm driving to San Francisco tomorrow.

This was probably dreamed up by someone who lives in Ottawa. When you spend six months of the year shovelling your way down the front walk, defrosting the lock on your car door with a cigarette lighter, and inching your way to work behind a snow plow, your attempts at humor tend to take on a nasty edge.
nicosian
Dec. 2nd, 2005 09:26 pm (UTC)
i had a guest from Calgary yesterday who visited with my cousin ( also of calgary.)

Said dingbat BITCHED ALL DAY about how cold it was here. Like, fuck? you're from calgary!

( I grew up there. it's NOT cold here compared to there.)

smartcookie
Dec. 2nd, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
It's not as cold temperature wise, but according to my brother (who lives in PG) the damp cold is way harder to handle than the dryer cold they get in other parts of the country.

I've only ever lived in Vancouver though, so I really don't know better, it's just what people have mentioned to me a couple of times.
jdquintette
Dec. 2nd, 2005 11:02 pm (UTC)
People always pull out that comparitive stuff. "Oh this is nothing compared to Winnipeg!"

Fine. It's still miserable fucking cold weather no matter how you slice it.
nicosian
Dec. 3rd, 2005 06:34 am (UTC)
well, I warned them. my cousin heeded me. I said "it's cold. and wet. sloppy cold. Dress WARM. hat. scarf. layers. "

jdquintette
Dec. 2nd, 2005 11:08 pm (UTC)
Comparisons are meaningless when you don't own any earmuffs.
Said dingbat BITCHED ALL DAY about how cold it was here. Like, fuck? you're from calgary!

Poor bastard probably bought into all that chamber of commerce propaganda about "Lotus Land" and Vancouver's "near tropical winters."

I came up here from New Orleans last June and nearly froze to death. I just wasn't dressed properly (didn't bring any 'winter' clothes).

The previous June ('04) when we were up here was beautiful. This year, not so much.


No matter how you slice it, this is miserable, cold weather. Just because it's not as cold as Ulan Bator this time of year doesn't make me like it any better.
twinkletits
Dec. 3rd, 2005 05:15 am (UTC)
i moved from near calgary 2 years ago, and i still refuse to wear a winter jacket here.
in short, said guest really is a dingbat.
clockmonster
Dec. 3rd, 2005 04:25 pm (UTC)
haha, same here. From just outside of Calgary, two years ago. I'm still wearing just a sweatshirt (no coat I mean) and my sandals, these days. Even the times it rained in November, I kept getting caught without umbrella, without rain slicker. *shrug* I dry...
glowing_dragon
Dec. 3rd, 2005 12:15 am (UTC)
Hahahaha.
_001
Dec. 3rd, 2005 02:19 am (UTC)
we're little california.
eew.
purple_monkey
Dec. 3rd, 2005 07:41 am (UTC)
California? It is Florida of Canada here, from what I've heard...
morbioid
Dec. 6th, 2005 05:42 am (UTC)
Whoever wrote that didn’t live here during December 1994 or the winter of 1996/1997.
( 27 comments — Leave a comment )

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